Friday, July 28, 2006

Adulterous chemistry….!!

Off late I have been thinking about the chemistry between man and woman...oh please don’t misunderstand me...this is not another ‘men are from mars and women are from Venus’ forum...nor it is about the "C" word...

I am simply going to talk about few things which always put me into contradictory thinking...

Yesterday when I was having lunch with my friend who is married. He was gaping at one gorgeous female (by the way the most gorgeous one has recently resigned and left to somewhere near mumbai...) and I just happen to say " abe teri to shaadi ho gai hai fir tu kyon use ghoor raha hai?" then he said “lets argue on this after your marriage...and as of now don’t disturb me. She is damn hot!!”

SO is it that the chemistry should stop playing its natural role after you get committed to one person!! Or is it just our SOCIETY! Isn’t this natural pull which we feel….Which some people have named as 'infidelity' in moral dictionary...or is it just, we all can’t break this barrier created inside our brains....?

Everyone will agree that regardless of commitment/marriage....we all feel something called " attraction " every now and then, towards the opposite sex ...but we just feel it...enjoy it silently deep inside, and forget it....without letting our partner know about it.


If it is condemned to be unfaithful in action then doesn’t same apply to THOUGHTS tooo...can anyone control our mental reflexes?...these short lived chemical reactions in our brain?.. The question here is “can you control this yourself?" and I believe the answer is NO for most of us....it can be suppressed but never can be stopped from coming....because we don’t even know when will it happen….nature is always unpredictable.

Now can someone explain....or draw the line between what is morally correct and what is not?? And if someone wants to draw this line...then who the hell are they?? And why should we give this right to them.

The battle is between natural instincts and social system. And this battle will always go on for another million years...till humans come up with a new social system which is based on natural rights rather than man made hollow morals...

Am not a rebel....I too feel that we should be like the way we are...but every time I happen to face this MALE inside me…in situations like, seeing a gorgeous girl, lady, actress anything that is Human +Opposite sex +Sexy in short. I too feel that chemistry and then forget about it after a while…since am single may be I still have the freedom to go beyond just feeling that chemistry (according to our hypocrite society)…..But anyone married in my place (or if the opposite sex is married)…then the game ends there itself.

And why can’t we expect our partners to be LOYAL (I mean those who don’t go beyond feeling the chemistry), when we too behave the same way and control our natural instincts infinite times in our life.

You might be feeling I sound like a confused person, who agrees to society also….wants his partner to be loyal also and on the other hand want to concord with his natural instincts too… Now this is the contradictory thinking I was talking about in the start. Don’t you people also feel the same? Haven’t anyone of you given a thought to this???
Ha ha….I know someone might say we can’t just go ahead and live a jungle life when we are staying in a society. My friend if we cant live in a jungle then just tell me one thing…where to draw the line while defining ‘infidelity’…Or where to draw the line between mental and physical actions without being called a hypocrite???

I can talk nonstop about my crazy thoughts on this topic……but will stop here. May be there is no end to this contradiction..........

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

bhadwaaaaaa.....uu r not married as yet...and abhi se "contradictory thoughts"...God save u after marraige....the solution might be--marry someone so hot and so brilliant that attraction to someone else might be a very na hone waali bhaat...but then u will have another problem...to deal with ur wife's contradictory thoughts...
Get attracted to as many as possible now...because after marraige....contradictory thoughts or no thoughts...u will have no choice unless u want to create a mess..So marry the one that u feel is potentially "She is the one..." material...

2:41 AM  
Blogger Pinku said...

Hi! Bugs,

Wow! must congratulate you on writing about something that almost everyone feels but is afraid to say.
You are right those instinctive feelings are very hard to stop infact impossible. I think in a way they prove we are normal.

And yes women too feel the same way.

Let me share my own experience and a lil test I did on friends on the feelings of 'wow! so hot man, wish I could have him/her' evoke.
I have tried to understand and honestly access if given a chance I would sleep with that person. And in most cases I have found that my interest vanishes when I think of it as a real possibility instead of a nice fantasy.
You may say being a girl my ingrained inhibitions surface so checked with my male friends too and put them to the test even offering to speak to the said girl and ask her if she is willing but they too in most cases desist from taking that step.
So I gather as long as we are looking from far and daydreaming its all fine. Getting up, close and personal is a different matter. Most of us will not go the whole way.
So my opinion is don't bother so much dekhne ki cheez mile toh nazar bhar ke dekhlo. Enjoy!!!
BTW this 'Most hot' creature in your office who has left is the same one we both know isn't it?

3:27 AM  
Blogger bugs said...

Goog god sid....when did YOU start talking about marriage?? ho ho ho.

Anyways...u r right..its time for all of us to get married. But Bade Bhaiya you first.

Pinku,

This was what i thought..this moral guilt.....the rightousness we all were injected since our childhood...the dilemma we face due to our up-bringing...whenever we want to break this barrier of social awareness.

May be another million years will lead to this new society based on natural instincts...Any ways as correctly said by you...just keep watching and having fun....

But my question still remains..where we draw the line....sex will be sex only. Done physically or in your imagination.
SO who will decide the limit which crossed will declare a person unfaithful.
Keeping our generation in mind...it purely depends on individual cases. If your partner is fine with your flirting....then you may go fly your Jet.Bt with a consideration that your partner may too want to get on the plane...:-)
chao.

3:59 AM  
Blogger Samiul said...

one thing i must say - ur english has improved... :)))) ooooppppsssss!!!!! not to digress from what u hv written ..quite an honest write-up as usual... there r so many things that we cannot answer...so many things that we do not understand but feel n more significantly,do not express...........in describing all these u have made the counterpart(wife/husband) distinctly insignificant.... so the person u'l marry won't seem to be attractive enough to keep ur natural instincts in place!!!!.. then y do u hv to marry that person? definitely attraction shall be there n we shall tend to be tempted but that's just a part of the story...the other part speaks of the balance we maintain or the balance that naturally gets maintained 'cause our spiritual self rules our physical self .....oooo " spiritual" too heavy a word...:))
sight of a gorgeous lady is like an illusion, u can't ever have enuf of it n feel pacified.... the way u enjoy the beauty of a calm riverside(may be) or may be having an ice-cream/chocolate.... depends on people's choices...
u c it, njoi it,appreciate it...its good to be inquisitive, its good to ask y ....but what has to be understood , we may not be intelligent enough to understand all answers at the time we question... this blog of urs jus reminded me of the innumerable discussions we (sid/u/myself/saurabh)used to have at night in our flat ...probably leading to no conclusions or probably leading to the ones we'll understand with time...
i can safely conclude whenever Sid thot "sunrise dekhna hai" his brilliant mind definitely knew where to find him company....hehehehehe....
i don't have the count of the crimson dawns we have seen but each one of us definitely had an awakening each time :)

5:19 AM  
Blogger Sundari said...

hmmm :-)) A marvellous post .. and on a controversial subject ...
Controversial in the sense that each one of us accept it at some level but still find it difficult to come out in the open and say it ...
Yeah it does happen ...that dangerous pull that you have chosen to call the Adulterous Chemistry ... dangerous because it is so very sweet to experience it in one hand and can break so many hearts on the other....
Just giving in to the attraction is so very tempting ...but it can destroy the very fabric of your life - your self esteem..
Yeah ..please look at gorgeous girls and enjoy ...but just look until one arrives exclusively for you !!

2:12 AM  
Blogger bugs said...

Sam,
How many times you will give me that complement...why dont you accept that you are jelous of my nerrative skills ;-)).
by the way thanks for commenting.And i too remember those awakenings very often...those were the days..

Lavan,

Thx for the comment...i dont knwo when that exclusive one will arrive!!!!

7:11 PM  
Blogger Pinku said...

Hey! Bugs,

i don't know about you but let me reassure u sex can be much more than a 11 minute thingie done for bodily pleasure.
When you have someone you really love it may not be that important also. (I know, I know you are thinkig girlie talk but believe me i know what i am saying)

Coming to your query of what is infidelity. i will give you the only answer that works for me. If you are in a relation then its upto your partner to set the perimeter. Meaning if she is ok with your pecking another girl on the cheek, good for you but if she hates your chatting up unknown girls on the net then you must respect that and not do it. Know what i mean? your relation and its depth will dictate the terms.
Don't worry about it too much. whenever you do plan to settle down with someone discuss these things openly and remember that what goes for you will go for her too. And once in a while if your eyes follow that hot babe on the street, take a good look and think that grapes are sour (but so what they make good champagne) ;)

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